The Diary of Mary Sue
by Chrestomancee
Summary: Mary Sue lived happily as a normal girl until the day of her 13th birthday. That day the Mary Sue curse was activated and all the boys started falling foe her and she got powers.
1. Chapter 1 Introduction

Hi! My name is Mary sue and this is my diarea. I am a just normal 13 yr-old girl, wait let me scratch that off, i WAS a normal 14 year old that is until my birthday 2 months ago. Thad day my gradnma had a revelations to give me, she said "Mary-chan" thats what she calls me Mary-chan it is her afflexionate naming for me i dont really like it i prefer Sue but oh well, as revengeance i call her Bitney, she hates Britney Speras, she says when she's ontv "That bellatched woman they should haver her empoled! shaking her sexy body like a firey rooster how oh so unsighlty" and then she usually covers my eyes with a pirat patch that my brother (yes i have a brother will get to that leter^^) my brother used on Veronica's weddign for once and on the other eye she usually puts some pineapple jam so i cant see for a while and it stings but I DIGEST, lets get to the main topic, um, oh yeah, i call her britney but her reel names Mary Sue like me, thare has been a unending string of marys sues since very long ago in my family i am number 82932 and, os anyway she goes like it is my birthday and she goes like "Mary-chan, I have somehtign important to tell you it is a RAVALATION" she said it in a messianically fashion, i started getting the moosebumps all over my me "it is a secret about the line age of tje Mary Sues"; "What is it my grandomther Mary" (i didnt call her Brittney this time because it was a sirius event) and she answared "come here dear degenerate" she sat me on her laps but there was a pillow beteween me and us so it wasnt in pedophile,shes a woman anyway in canse you havent NOTICED, i hate g+utter minds, anyway "now that you are a 13 years old there will be some changes in your life..."

"Ch-ch-ch-ch....changes??" i said on stutter mode because relly nervous (not only that it is also a reference to a song of The Clash band i relly love ;)) "gradnma Sue what is..?" i was sarting to get worried, i had heard of such things from my cousin, when you reach 13 you hit poverty and you grow a penis and it bleeds every fool moon in a while... but fortunely it not the case she cleared my polterguysts away

"Look my braless child, there is a spell which befalls on all Mary Sues, and it is turned on when we turn 13. From this day oswald you will notice that boys look at you diffrently, and always in your vaccinity, they might make porposals, aks you out, even try to grape you becose for them you will be like a flashing ad that they cannot resist to click" she burped and then continued "but you MUST PRESERVERE you cannot let their wetcherd klaws upon your body, do you do understand?"

I didnt answer right away because i was still looking in the diccionary, this ravalation revealed itself to be quite a tyranossaurus, i was still looking for the word "PRESERVERE" when she decided expalin better:

"You must not have sex. you must stay a virgin until you're 20" oh i had heard about sex,... when a boy and a girl touch each others thumbs and then it gets hot they get together and put a penis inside a vagina stir it well and let it cook anf usually a baby comes out i knew all about sex but i understand grandmas have to have this conversatians, so i clamed her:

"Gramma dont worry i wont have sex i am not a slutty hoard"

"Güt" she said, her tongue unveiling her norwegian roots, "but it is not all... there is also a secret of MAGICAL!!" my eyes opened in anime, how exciting this was being!

"if you fallow the rules and dont have sex, you will get POWERS!!!!!, graduolly you will get more and more powers and incresinglly mORE POWDERFUL!!!!"

Oh how exciting, i thought, im defly not gonna have sex, i thought, not that i wanted to before i mean girls are not supposed to want to have sex those that do are bitchest hose!,

"Mother so thats why you have powers!" oh yeah forgot to mention my gramma has powers she can turn butter into toast, make chairs float and dance to rythms, shoot mouthwash out of her hands all sorsa neat stuff shes amazing i really look her up.

"yes in deed because i did not have the sex, if you do do you will LOSE THE POWERS"

"Do not crack your cucumber in cancern, i dont really like boys anyway" umm, i am NOT A LESVIAN THOUGH *points at the perverted reader* sjust in case your flithy mind was wandering...

"Ok Mary-chan" she smiled releasen me to the floor "just follow the rulers and everything will be fine"

So... that was 2 months ago, i have been a good grill and did not even lockeed guys in the eyes, i cant wait to get the powrs gran Mary says my fist power will come anytime now, oh the excitation!


	2. Chapter 2 the first power

Today was a really maravellous day! I got my first power!!! I'll tell you how it everything went...

I was leaving home in the morning for school, i had gotten all pretty like always with a pinch of glitter, whille walkind down the street the winde came in me and wavered my clothes and hair in sweet creamy movements, i bet if someone looked at me theyd have seen me in slow mow... the hair rougiating rebelishly like an anime, oh btw did i told u guys i look like an anime? yeah i do, i have really light skeen, pink hair, small nose so much it is almost invisable you only see the shadow of it, and the eyes so big they are HUGE turtoise blue, they have these small balls of shiney inside and they vibrate if im sad or emotional and theyre always visiable even if my hair is on front. some people say i look like Sakura from cardcaptro Sakura and i agree, i think she's really cute. i'm not conseated though! like one day the friend of my friend Jordan we were eating and he was stopping eating and he all over sudden said oh youre so cute and i sayd NO, like just yelled it at him on the ping pong restaurant NO haha so there.

Well, so i was walking my way to Massapão High and.., oh, if you think the name of my school is werid, well, that's because I leave in Portugal, its a country in Europe, if you have a maop at hand and youre courios eyelock the middle, thats where portugal is, since the middle of the world that's why my country is best. So, anyway, i all the way to the school i could nocite all the eyebulbs being directied at me especially the guyses, ever since my 13th birthfay it had been like this it actually kinda annoyeng, sometimes i thinks like is there something on my face? oh right, is the Mary Sue curse sigh

In the school grounsd pretty match the same, all guyhs eated me with their viruses, and in the classroom there was a violent dispuite over who would get the seats next to mines, there was like 6 or 7 guys havinf a super smash bros over me, sigh, i must confess i was slithly steampipish about this whale situatian.

But i followed my newly laerned word and i PRESERVERED, i did not gvie any of the guys any green cards whatsoevere , i avoided eye contracts at allways , i had built this aura of chesstitty around me it was inpenetrateable, my light of pubity dazzled dem stunned.

After classes Ricky approtched me, lol he is such a ugly. "um, Mary.. would .you like.. maybe today.. to go in..." he gaggled the whole speech, the LOL "Urgh, NO..!" i intarreptud him in desgust voice, rotating my eyes in triangles so he qould see i really wanst not intersted at all! He visible sad then proceeded to crouch on the corner of the room enveloped in dark clous.

I managed to rach the school gates finally after swimming through a sea of male askmeouts, there i noticed a figyure leaning on a tree in a perfect 45 degrees. Is pose so cool i refrigerated in amazedment. As i came closer i could see who it was, it was Sasuke and he was cosplaying as James Dean. Hewas so hot i started getting misty right away, but tried to avoid eye meetings and proceeded face forward. As i passed by his tree he approtched me. "Hey" he said, in by his voice you could tell there were more than 5 years of experiance at being popular and at least 2 years of emo and one year of rockabillity.

"Hey" i said without looking side and just kept going ong. "Wait" he said and handed me his grip, holding me towards his closeness, immeadiately i felt my virginity being threatened. "I just noticed. he said. You are very cool. I dont say that a lot. You are cool enough to be my girlfriend". I felt blushed. Sasuke was complementing me, this had never happened before not even when i saved his goldfish from drowning in curry. And telling me about being girlfriends with him?! It was very unusual for him, Sasuke used to be uninterested of girls, he was that cool.

"Sasuke-san thank you for the nice swords but i must go now" i said looking down and released myself from his fist, walked at full speed but walking not runing. "WAIT A MINT THERE!" said a voice from the rear. "WHERE ARE YOU THINK YOURE GOING BETCH?! YOU THINK YOUR ENTILTED TO EXPERIMENT WITH MY BF?" I looked back, it was Sakura, the slut that had a crash on Sasuke, not Sakura from Cardcaptors though, no, that one is cool, it was Sakkura from Sasuke.

"Look sweetie" i said vanilla coating my words, "i wasnt doing anything we were just briefly discussing trivial pursuits, right?" i awaited Sasukes approoval. "Yes" he approoved. "look Sakura dont be a goat" (thats what guys say in portuguese it kinda means the same like betch)

Sakura didnt look likie she was going out of goat mode anytime soon though. "NO ONE CHEATS ME ON SASUKE AND THEN ESCAPES SUCESSFULY" she yalled and releasing inner Sakura. it was a amazing transformation she was all her skin turned black but her outlines were white. i could feel her power it was big and as she released mroe and more all the stones rolled away from her. She wined an incantation "TENTACOOL I CHOOSE YOU NO JUTSU!" at once several of tentacles arose from the ground directing at me, they squirmed around like limp erections(not that i know what that is i just read about it!), and it hit me, i couldnt let them near me tentacles are very sexually attractive to anime girls like me they would shurely reap me. i didnt know what to do though, my fighting couldnt compare to sakura and i didnt have any powers yet... but then i felt a strange glow inside of me, it was a force of milennia, i could hear voices: "Mary Sue, you can do it", it was the voices of all the Mary Sues behind me, they were all inside of me and saying mary sue you can do it. Like magical, i knew what to do it. I raised my head in courage and said "RUN RUN PORTABLE LESBIAN!" and put my hands in kamehameha position. From them came a small person, It Was Shane From L Word!!! she was a small version but she kicked thos tentacruels like there was no day after today! Soon after they died of violence. After that being taken cared for, she ruuned toward sakura, she was surprised tryed to run but in vein, shane captched her and beat her up like that George kid from my class everyone beats up. Sakura tried fight beck but she was not strong enough, that girl Shane is relly tougf, no one can msn with her! After that Sakura was took care of Shene returned to my hands and dispeared. Sasuke was mouth-opened "JESUS BLUFFING CRIST, THAT WAS AWSOM!!"

"Yeah, i have powers" i said as if it was nothing speshial lol.

Sasuke then exchanged our pohne nºs, yay! ^^ this is being so cool i really am loving this powers thing!


	3. Chapter 3 oh my god

Wow my god, todays days was fuul of srupises, I don even know which war to begin…

well, i guess ill start with the context... I was at class the teacher was giving us lessons it wsa about how to calibrate a emulator, i was really not pooing atention at all i was coldnt stop thinking what will my naxt power will be like? But then SUddenly my teachers got a tweeter from Kainey West so she had to leave the room it was important.

IMMEditely as she left all the guiys got around me conteplating my contact lenses. Oh they thaught it was contasct but it wasnt it was actually last week i got the power to chenge my hair color now i change them evrytime i usually wear them one blue one green like Yuna from Final fantastic ex ^_^, but i told them guys i got contac lenses cus i didnt want them know about my powers it was a privacy policy of mine.

Sasuke especialy was especialy empressed he said the eyes remainded him of his friend sharignan. "its cool" he siad i bloshed. Hannah from behoind my seat notice the blush and smiled, oh this girl Hannah Mointana shes my barf (bestest awsome realest friend) we been barfs since babies she is really cool, she has the best of both wolrds cause she is bisexual and also during the day she is a boy named Miles and during the night she turns into a girl Hannah Montanah and she also a singer. It didnr really bother me her bisexual hermapphroditits though i am actually a very opened mind person, the only freak i dont tailorate its furrys they are an abunnimation , a violesha agayest god, UGH make me sik *burp*

Anyway so Hanah smiled and then she wanked at me like saying "wink at him" so i did i wank my green and sasuke got really happy :D

bUT SUDENELY a RPatz poster sticked out of the wall and behinD IT WAS SAKURA she had been hiding there the hole class! sertainly spuing on me an sasuke.

"YOU BITCH MACHINE" she sakura said, she meant me "YOU THINK I CANNOT FOREHEAD YOUR EVIL INDENTATIONS? YOU PLAN TO FUCK SASUKE AND THEN STOLE HIM!"

she then got in her fighting powse i could tell a attack was coming

"GREEN BODY DYE NO JUTSU" she yelled while doing complicated handjob movies, then when finished green started comung out of her hadns

i dodgeded it easily, since a few days ago i feell my egility is grower, so it was easy. then i proceeded with argument

"Whet are you gettiang so flaked up about? its not like he isnt even your boyfriend he told me" I said and it was truth

"YES HE IS MY BOYFRIEND WE EXCHANGED COWS"

Ssuke then interviened "Sakura that was in kindergordon it was just a pretend"

Sakura squirtled her eyes as if she about to cry, but i dont know if she did cause then we heard a cry and ue looked behind it was hannah, she had gotten hit with the die.

"AAaayeaahrg DX IM GREEN"

i runed to her side "Hannah i mean myles its ok it will wear off after your menstruation"

"NO U DONT UNDRESSTAND, IM GREEN I CANT BE GREEN U WONT LIKE ME WHEN IM GREEN! D="

"I was likw what what do u mean?"

"Dont you remember how i never wearn any member of green clothing i never eated vegittas and i never walk on grass bearfooted i always wear shoes and sometimes even sockx for double safety?"

"yeah"

"Thats because of THE GREEN i cant touch teh GREEN it makes me TURN"

"into what" i asked but needed it wasnt because she was already turning he was getting bigger and larger and a tail was also getting. her skin looked like a animal a lizard, i looked up at her head, she was opening her big mouth and yelled

"MYLEYSSAURUS!!!"

everyone inthe class got the mahjongs and ran away, except me i stayed with her

"Im not goinna stampedo or anything, im still me but its kinda sux being like this" said myles the dinossaur

"oh baby why come you didnt ever tell me about your disability?" i triesd comforting her with petting on the back but it kinda sticky her back so i stopped

"I didnt want you to thinkk of me as a freak" a tear came out of her eye and fell with a large SPLORSH

"Baby i never! you are my best barf we shall forever be frends regradeless of hour sex gender race ringtone or arm length or whatever^___^"

"Baby!3" she said loving "i would hug you but i dont wanna crush your makeup" haha, hannah she is such a jokester =P

"OK, so now all we hav to do is waiting for your next monstruation, when was your last?"

"OH, that's a birth of a problem..." he said "you sea, dinossaures only period once every 4 years and a elf"

"WHUTS?!!!!!?!" shocl shock shcok, i could not see myself seeing my barf friend as a dino four for years!

"its ok dough, our school is special regimens they even accept transformers so theyll acept me" she smiled a malformed smile "and i can even get a career singer entertainer as a kids show"

"NO i cant allow that! we have to get you black as soon as parsible" i tohught of all the possivle cures to dinossaurism "there must be a way"

"well, ther is" myleyssaaurus said "there is a fruit wich can cure me back to original, but its really hard to get Mary, it shouldnt bother"

"NO, i will! I will gey it for you it is my fault you are this way. tell me where do get it?"

"Well, to get a faggot fruit you must go up mount gyllenhaal and reach the faggot tree however it is protected by a man and a army, he dont just give them faggots away, you will have the fight"

"I can doe that ;) " i said ^"u juts wait i will go get it be back in no time" and i left the room ready to jorney

"WAIT" yelld myleyssaurus "take this map it has the routes!" she swuoung it with her tails, i catchd it

"thanks ;)" well i kinda have to gett bed now i dont have time to finish this day events i will finish tomorrow maybe, right now i am in a forest of mouintain gyllenhaal camping and if i dont turn the lights off now the koalas may come and think its a party so i guess ill end it here, well its not like a lot happened after that, i just set my way uip up the mountain fought some random battles, nothing big deal, so yeah, thats what happened i hope tomorrow i reahc faggot tree i wonder what the faggot tree guardian is like..?


End file.
